Blessed Fragility

In each of these faces there is an implicit question about the very meaning of life. The question is so powerful and so radical that it strikes me right in the heart.
— Ana De Haro
Blessed Fragility
Ana De Haro.

Ana De Haro - When students break down in class, the lesson breaks open—and the real question emerges.

Sometimes my students' fragility catches me off guard. I'm talking to them and it seems like the topic of conversation is the subject matter. I explain something; they try to understand. I ask questions; they answer—or they don't, because they don't know. All of this is part of learning.

The conversation stays at that level, within the scope of what I'm trying to explain. We're talking about a concrete philosophical problem: politics, theory of knowledge, theodicy, aesthetics.

But then the conversation stops. I can see it in their faces: something shifts. They freeze when I contradict them, or they simply go dark because they can't follow what I'm saying. I try again—I explain it another way, as many times as it takes. I keep at it, trying to pick up the thread, but the dialogue has broken. They aren't there anymore. They aren't at that level of the discussion. I realize they've left.

Over time, I've come to understand that I need to change my approach. I can't keep talking about philosophy as if nothing were wrong. I've watched it happen: suspicion, doubt, and the sense of impossibility creep into them—the suspicion that they can't do it, the doubt that they aren't good enough, a goal that seems impossible to reach. The more capable ones pull away from what's happening, try to distract themselves, shake off the bitterness as quickly as possible. They withdraw. They no longer want to know anything about what, just a moment before, they were trying to understand. Faced with the vertigo of their own limits, they throw in the towel. Others can't shake the doubt; they sit frozen through the rest of the lesson, and sometimes tears come.

These scenes recur—in class, during exams, during office hours—and every time they happen, they disarm me. At least when I notice. When it happens, my students completely interrupt what I'm doing. It is as if their fragility were waking me from a dream. For a moment the automatic rhythm of daily routine is suspended, and I ask myself: What am I doing? What am I trying to explain to them? What is worth teaching?

These interruptions are one of the most beautiful parts of my work. They force me to look at my task with fresh eyes—at what I do, at who I am. In each of these faces there is an implicit question about its value, about the meaning of what we hold in our hands, but above all about the very meaning of life. The question is so powerful and so radical that it strikes me right in the heart. It questions me, my way of living, the meaning of who I am and what I do. And it challenges me. My students challenge me to give lessons whose content strikes at the heart of who they are. I can talk to them about a thousand authors and theories, but if none of it serves to reach and clarify the vertigo and the question they carry within, it will have served no purpose.

That is why I've come to see that this fragility, which frightened me at first, has become a great ally. It has pedagogical value. It is the perfect barometer for understanding how the lessons are going, for seeing whether the content touches the core of life. Paradoxically, fragility does not lower the level of what needs to be covered in class—it raises it. Expressed fragility implicitly demands that what is explained in the classroom touch upon that sense of existential vertigo so familiar to my students. They are the ones who issue the challenge. It is up to us teachers to see how to respond.

Fernando De Haro

Fernando de Haro is a Spanish journalist, academic, and radio director at COPE. With degrees in journalism, law, and a PhD in information science, he's known for documentaries on Christian persecution. De Haro explores religion's role in society through his media work and publications, including a book on Don Giussani's life.

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