Am I My Own Story?

The trailer for Pedro Almodóvar’s “Amarga Navidad” is now available. The El Deseo production, featuring a star cast and Movistar Plus+, was released in Spanish theaters by Warner Bros. on March 20.

Our ‘I’ is a piece of data, sure—but one that can never be completely ‘datafied.’ The difference is a matter of experience.
— Costantino Esposito
Costantino Esposito Am I my own story?

Costantino Esposito - In Almodóvar’s latest film, a director steals other people’s lives to feed his fiction. But who really is the subject of our narratives? Ricoeur, Dennett, and the Magnifica Humanitas raise a radical question: do we tell the story of our own lives, or are we only the product of our narratives?

Pedro Almodóvar’s latest film, Amarga Navidad—released internationally as Autofiction—puts one theme up front: how the fiction of a film relates to real life. A story can’t go without the living material of real people and real events for long; in fact, once the writing can no longer draw on the unpredictable source that is other people’s experience, it dries up. That’s just what happens to the film’s protagonist, Raúl, a director who is an alter ego of the film’s “real” director. Stuck on his latest screenplay, he finds a way out of the creative block by draining, so to speak, the lifeblood his story lacked—the lifeblood he himself lacked, emotionally unresolved as he is—from the lives of others. In this case, from the life of his longtime assistant Mónica, who is going through a harrowing, traumatic period after the blow of a real event that happened to her (I won’t go any further with the spoiler!).

So the film runs along two parallel tracks. On one, the fictional story Raúl is writing, which we see in real time. On the other, the tormented labor of the fiction itself, which, to move forward, literally steals other people’s lives to make them its own. Until the real people who find themselves “vampirized” rebel against being turned into “characters,” defending not only their privacy but the inviolability of their own experience. And the cynical game doesn’t stop even there. Just the opposite: this very short-circuit is what restarts the screenwriter’s dried-up vein. So a third track, more hidden, joins the first two—the relationship between the film the audience is watching and Pedro, the narrator of this double fiction. Here the borders between reality and fiction are interchangeable, always there to be crossed. Isn’t fiction “something” real? And isn’t reality always something we represent?

Critics have rightly read the film—rendered splendidly in the dazzling color of Almodóvar’s imagery—as a reflection on the relationship between art and life, that is, between fiction and reality. How far can fiction steal its material, parasite-like, from life? And how far does life stay irreducible against the unreality of the fictional story? Granted, we take it as settled here—in the modernist and postmodernist sense—that art is fiction set against real life; but the opposite holds just as well, namely that the director in crisis is searching life, desperately, for the real, true, objective possibility of his subjective story. So much so that—reversing the terms—the director’s own life (not just the character in the film but Almodóvar himself) becomes fiction, more precisely autofiction.

And here I reach the point that strikes me as decisive. Beyond whatever the film means to say about art-as-fiction and life-as-reality, a more radical question surfaces in it, one that concerns all of us—at least going by the widespread sense we have of our own individuality, in line with the prevailing trends of our cultural habitat. I mean the conviction that the “I” never has a fixed or stable identity, something “given,” but only a narrative identity, something “told.” We are what we tell ourselves and about ourselves, and at the same time, unavoidably, what others tell about us.

This is plainly a basic phenomenon, one we deal with constantly in experience. As Paul Ricoeur showed with precision in books like Time and Narrative (1983) and Oneself as Another (1990), human beings—living in time and, in time, gradually reaching self-awareness—possess a genuine “narrative identity.” Each of us, like a character in a story, has a precise and permanent identity (an idem); but each of us is at the same time “oneself” (an ipse) insofar as we take shape over time through the story of our own changes.

Set the philosophical definition aside, and it’s an experience we all have every morning, when we wake up and get moving and set the story of ourselves going—weaving the day that opens with our hopes and our fears, our expectations and our regrets. The very fact that we start over each day says that we are the actors in a narrative that is, as it were, the horizon of meaning within which we live in the world.

But a question comes up right away: who is the subject of the narrative? If it’s true that our narratives follow the changes our identity goes through over time, then for that very reason there has to be someone, an “I,” who over time recognizes and works through its own changes. In short: is the “I” the product of its narratives, or their subject? And where does a narrative come from? From self-reflection? That would be too little to account for the full richness of our experience. To narrate yourself you need a narrator; but for there to be a narrator, something real always, unavoidably, has to happen. It takes the impact of an event—something unpredictable that touches the “I,” that moves it and stirs it—for the great narrative of life to be born and to begin again each time. And that narrative always faces the challenge of measuring up to what happens, of grasping the being of the world that touches it—events, accidents, encounters and collisions—and making it its own: telling it, precisely.

The stakes really are high. On one side, we always interpret the world by the very fact that we exist as beings who look for the meaning of things and never settle for simply logging them as anonymous “data.” On the other side, our narratives always risk doing without what happens and what touches us—something that can’t be reduced to our stories. And to overlay or confuse the two planes leads to the obsession of prejudice or the violence of ideology. Meaning that we ourselves can become prisoners of our narratives. Or even dissolve into them.

This isn’t a remote or purely theoretical danger; it’s an explanatory hypothesis about personal identity—the kind Daniel C. Dennett offered, the celebrated philosopher of mind who died in 2024. In Consciousness Explained (1991), driven by his reductionist zeal against the idea that ours is a substantial “I” of a nature other than the brain’s biological evolution, Dennett argues that, just as spiders spin webs and beavers build dams to defend themselves and survive, humans use the strategy of telling stories for the same evolutionary purpose. We are a “center of narrative gravity,” as he calls it—but not because there’s an “I” that spins the stories. On the contrary: it’s these stories that spin the “I.” Just as, in the history of evolution, an impersonal force belonging to the organic movement of a species is what determines the changes and functions of single individuals.

From being a biological and cultural prerogative of our narrative “I,” stories risk becoming the very thing that puts our irreducibility at risk. And once we move from biological conditioning to digital conditioning, the circle seems to close perfectly. Not only because, in this second case, an algorithm hands us our stories, profiling our “identity” from the data it manages to pull out of our digital preferences, but because we ourselves explicitly ask a chatbot to tell us what we are and, above all, what we can be. Yet it can tell us only “what” we are, as a statistical processing of our data; it can’t tell us “who” we are. Our “I” is indeed a piece of data—sure—but a piece of data that can never be completely “datafied” by algorithmic processing. The difference is a matter of “experience.”

As Leo XIV’s encyclical Magnifica Humanitas reminded us with disarming truth, “so-called artificial intelligences do not live through experience, do not possess a body, do not pass through joy and sorrow, do not mature in relationship, do not know from within what love, work, friendship, and responsibility mean.” Nor do they possess a “moral conscience” that judges good and evil. “They can imitate language, behavior, and judgments; they can simulate empathy or understanding, but they do not understand what they produce…” At bottom it’s the same problem Raúl (Pedro) faces, the director of Amarga Navidad: to manage to narrate the living experience of a person, and to understand—perhaps through his own creative crisis—that our narratives are true only if they are born from that experience, only if they set out from the unpredictability of life and its repercussions.


Fernando De Haro

Fernando de Haro is a Spanish journalist, academic, and radio director at COPE. With degrees in journalism, law, and a PhD in information science, he's known for documentaries on Christian persecution. De Haro explores religion's role in society through his media work and publications, including a book on Don Giussani's life.

Previous
Previous

A Breach in the Heart

Next
Next

No Hidden Agenda